"Shit's Different Out Here"

Things have changed.

Cue the cliche call-outs, but there's a reason it's talked about so much. Change is what drives us. We keep working to get better because we truly believe that we can.

It's been exactly 160 days since the last time I've posted here. I think I need to start by defending a few things. First off, I stopped writing in this because I got busy, and lazy, and tired, and a lot of things, but the point is I stopped and I thought it was a good idea. It seemed like a good idea because every time I tried to start again things didn't seem the same. I seemed cruel.

I realized a lot of things between September and now. I grew as a teacher, a student, and a person. To beat a dead horse as they say: things have changed. Some things that might have been funny were now sad. Some things that gave me a lot of trouble, now were completed with ease. Some things that annoyed me before bother the living hell out of me now.

What follows is a list of vignettes from the last 160 days - some a sentence long, some quite longer - that illustrate this change.


My lease to my apartment started in October and I finally hung a picture on the wall of my room somewhere in December. Someone walked in around the middle of January and told me it didn't look like I lived here. I told her it didn't feel that way either.

*****

In the last 160 days I've handed out coloring sheets, readings, worksheets, bookwork, oral lessons, review sheets, detention sheets, and more reminders to stay quiet than I could ever imagine. I got called to 11 different schools and taught about 10 different grade levels. I taught students that had writing deficiencies, reading deficiencies, were actually deaf, had behavior issues and I even taught PE a few times. I wore sweats three times exactly.


*****

I guarded the entrance to my classroom today. A student about as tall as me and twice as wide tries to push past me and though I take one step back I stand my ground, class list in hand. When I ask for his ID he looks me up and down and tells me he's on the list. I ask him for his ID again while I stop him from entering my temporary classroom for a second time. He threw his arms out and dropped his backpack on the ground. "Boy I don't think you get it. Shit's different out here! You can't come up in here and act like you matter. I don't give a fuck about you! Let me in the class man I told you I'm on the list." I pull the list to my chest and ask him if he's done with his hissy fit or if I had to call security. Security came and verified that the student did, in fact, belong in my class.

*****

The male security guard had all the boys in the class against one wall and the female had all the girls against the opposite wall. They patted down each student and searched their bags. Each student assumed the position in turn without ever stopping a beat in their conversation, cool as clockwork. After the entire class had been searched the male security guard started opening drawers and doors and anything else he could muster out of his head. He finally opened the paper tray of the printer and handed me back my phone and called the kids a bunch of bastards on his way out.

*****

One of my students saw me check the time on my phone and she asked if I had the iPhone 5. I told her that I did and she told me she was stuck with the stupid 4S and that her mom wasn't going to buy her the new one for Christmas. Other teachers told me how great this particular class is. It was the first time I had a class that was not only primarily white, but completely white.

*****

I stood in the back of a school assembly that hosted two ex gang members who were left in wheel chairs. The room comprised of primarily of black and hispanic students. They asked the room who had a friend or family member who had died because of gang violence. Half of the room raised their hand and the other half was not paying attention.

*****

When I showed up that Friday morning I learned that I would be covering staffings for the day which is sub-talk for I'm bouncing from room to room all day so the "real" teachers can go to meetings. I saw fourth grade and eighth grade and probably third grade too throughout that day, but I don't really remember what I did in class those days. I remember having fifteen minutes between classes and sitting down in the computer lab. I got out my phone and checked Twitter (while sitting at a computer - the redundancy not lost on me) and I instantly became confused. What happened in Connecticut? Why is everyone talking about Newton? What happened that I missed?

I went into my next class feeling sick and looking at a room full of loud, talkative and sometimes rude students and I sat and thought about how arbitrary life can be some times.

Over the next 24 hours 14 people were shot and killed in Chicago, 5 of which were teens

******

"I just wanted to let you know that every time I'm out you're going to be the sub that I request. It's nice to finally have a sub in the building who actually knows how to teach. You'd be surprised how many times a sub just comes in and completely disregards the lesson plan, but they definitely read the entire newspaper. Sometimes twice."

*****

"You're the best teacher here Mr. Nomad."
"But wait... are you like a sub or are you like actually a real teacher?"

*****

"We don't know what this class is about Mr. N. We ain't never had a teacher for this class."
"Isn't it almost the end of the first quarter Aniya?"
"We got one more week, but teacher ain't never showed up. Just got people like you coming in and out of here. Every day someone new up there trying to figure out how to shut us all up, but ain't none of them figure it out yet."

*****

The preschool class I led for part of the day learned about paleontologists yesterday and today they got to excavate the chocolate chips out of a chocolate chip cookie using toothpicks. When they finished they made themselves "Paleontologist Badges." I got a hug before I even introduced myself.

*****

I got up from my desk to stop one of my high schoolers from acting out his favorite sex position in front of the class. They proceeded to ask me my favorite sex position. Then they told me that I had to be a virgin and they were glad that they weren't a 30 year old virgin. After that one of them started telling me about her daughter.

*****

Lesson 9: It's not about walking in someone else's shoes, but about recognizing where those shoes have been and respecting the differences in the path.