"This Class Got Out of Control, Mr Sir. Everybody be Trifling"

August 21


Current Place of "Residence" The Belden Stratford.
Subbed? Yes.
Grades Taught Second grade, fourth grade
Subject(s) Taught: Homeroom, including Language Arts, Social Studies, and Science
Total times I wanted to say "fuck" Lost count around 1:30 in the afternoon
How good of a teacher was I?  Somewhere firmly placed between a 4 and a 5. No one died, so I count that for a few points.
Was I asked why my ears were red? Yes.

When I showed up to a different school (located in the same neighborhood) this morning I knew that while things would primarily be more of the same, there would be a few differences. For starters there wasn't a parking lot and I left my car out in the streets. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but as I've previously stated a good quarter of all the clothes I owned are hanging out in the back seat. Therefore, I'm always a little wary that my car looks like a prime target to break into. Luckily I have a terrible fashion sense and the break-ins have been avoided thus far.

I was substituting for the Assistant Principal's second grade class while she attended a meeting downtown. I found out that I would receive some worksheets that included learning some vocabulary words and told that I would have some help in the classroom for the morning. The woman in the office also promised me that after the AP came back I'd likely just be supervising recess. More on why that woman is a dirty filthy liar later.

The class did in fact have one younger helper who couldn't have been any older than me and a Special Ed specialist to help out in the classroom. We only needed to make it an hour before we had art and I could go on the rest of the day raking in a nice relaxing second day. The morning went off as expected: loud, unorganized, but at least productive. The students went to their art class and I took a much shorter nap than the day before, but I gave thanks that I got to nap at all. I should really not talk about the necessity of my naps when related to my teaching, but I am planning on outgrowing this nap dependency.

The students went to recess, I went to lunch and I walked back in the doors excited to end my day.

Then I switched classrooms and somehow found the door to a casting call for every classic 90's movie classrooms. People were bouncing on chairs, there were boys fighting in the back, people were talking - nay, screaming - to each other and it fell on me, the brand new substitute to get them to stop. When all was said and done, someone fell off a chair, the boys knocked over a computer and the girls who were screaming were louder than me. Somehow, I managed to get the class quiet for a matter of three minutes to explain the worksheet they had to complete. This marked the last time I had any control.

Instead of describing every antic, every time I tried to calm the class down, and every time i took a step out into the hallway to catch my breath I'll explain to you how that day ended. But first I need to tell you about Darryl. Darryl didn't quite do the opposite of what I did as much as he did whatever the fuck he wanted. I almost envied him because apparently the normal social mores no longer applied to him. He had slick khakis with his uniform shirt and one time while I attempted to explain to him how shitty his behavior had been, he got up and started talking to a table with five girls. To say I wanted to be the grown up version of Darryl is both sad and ridiculous but I had to admit it.

To end the day, one of the students came up to me sitting in the back of the classroom watching the chaos unfold and put his hand on my shoulder. He attempted to console me. He said, "This class Got Out of Control, Mr. Sir. Everybody be Trifling in here." He then walked into the fray without fear and ended his day. The new assistant I had been given yelled at the students to get their backpacks, and the students did not get their backpacks. Then she yelled at them to be quiet and they did not be quiet. I asked her if I could do anything for her and she told me that regardless of what I asked them to do they would do what they wanted. So we proceeded to check our Instagrams, send a few texts and stare off into the utter disarray in front of us until the bell rang.

Lesson 3: Not all fires burn out